There was a time, not too long ago when I could watch gore filled screens with ease, think up horrifying scenes of torture and bloodshed filled with both sinister overtones and wryly twisted humor for novels and short stories. Then a strange and wondrous thing happened. I got pregnant. All of a sudden I could no longer stomach any type of violence, not even PG TV-show violence. If there were children involved with the story I couldn't even listen to the voice track. This was a strange feeling for me, seeing as how my library is well stocked with horror novels and I am a certified monster aficionado. Luckily, since the baby was born these aversions had diminished somewhat, and I haven't had to totally change my reading habits , but I have had to alter my movie viewing preferences as I still cannot stand watching modern R-rated horror. Thank goodness PG-13 can still be terrifying without the gore, though, so I still get my fill of adrenalin filled, heart-thumping good times.
The unfortunate thing, though, is that I am still struggling with overcoming my reluctance to go back into that darker place in my mind where evil lurks and fills pages with my twisted imaginings. Every time I try to go there I find myself thinking of my little girl, and wondering if a mommy who writes these terrifying things won't somehow affect a change in their child. After all, people always tell you to surround yourself with positive thoughts and energy if you want to evoke positive changes in your life, so what happens if mommy spends hours a day immersed in thoughts of darkness? Do you invite negativity in?
This is my current quandary and source of writer's block. I have ideas for stories floating in my head that I really want to put down on paper, but I keep stumbling and struggling with my fear of returning to those dark corners of the mind to find the motivations and desires of my characters. Is there a solution to this problem? I imagine there probably is, but for the moment I will just keep free writing and chipping away at this block, until I find a place where being a mother and being a writer of horror fiction can come to some compromise.
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The CookieMomster